Hmmm

Being reflective

..of my trip to Detroit as I sit in the airport, going through photos and listening to music.

Made some good choices?

Made some bad ones?

Cemented some friendships and fractured a few others...

Trying to figure out who am I really, seriously? At age 36 I am still trying to figure this out? Do others do this? Trying to figure out how to make what I think, line up with what I do, or more correctly, making what I do line up with what I think. Screw it...lol Trying to figure out if I want my life to be what I think, or what I do...That's the truth...

Some soul searching and goal setting is in my future for sure. Maybe some time at the cabin by myself just being reflective and honest...I am honest with others to a degree, but not sure if I am really honest with myself at all. Yes, a trip to the cabin. It will happen, and soon!!

Thoughts

Just a few random thoughts that I want to expound on at some point:

Sitting at my longest best friends work as she does 'her thing'...people watching and wondering about their stories and experiences.

Dealing with raw emotions, past loves, new friends, and letting go.

Balancing what is expected of me vs., what I am willing to give.

Handling my Vikings 0-4 losing streak...LOL (Okay, this isn't that deep really, it just makes me sad).

Expounding on my faith, what it really means to me, and how to allow my children to feel as if they have a choice.

Listening to others talk, really listening and not trying to find a place to be heard.

Excited about loving the people that are in my life and giving of myself to those that deserve that part of me, but at the same time distancing myself from those that don't 'sharpen' me, or make me feel like they are adding to my life in some manner.

Reading a couple books: "Losing Friends" by Digby Anderson, "Safe People" by Cloud/Townsend, and "Dummies guide to Scotland" (it is going to happen someday, and I want to be ready!)

Wanting to be the kind of person that isn't known for extremes, yet still being intentionally extreme in areas of my life.

Balancing work, kids, friendships, me time, family, hobbies and trying to work dating into the mix...

I have had a good trip in Detroit. More to come I am sure. Just didn't want to forget some of these things bouncing around in my head.

Have a great week!

A new beginning?

I don't suppose I have many readers anymore due to the fact that I haven't blogged in over a year, and the year before that was spotty at best.

I have been thinking about why I don't blog anymore, it was such a big part of my life. I came to a few realizations:

1) I was always dubbed the 'fun mom', and I don't feel like I am such a fun mom since the divorce.

2) I had time, nothing else to really worry about, and I am short on time now and full of things to worry about.

3) Facebook has over taken me...This is a difficult one. I have potential to be a deep thinker, and I enjoy that as well, but facebook status' keep people up to date in my life and I don't have to go into detail. I don't have to be introspective and that is a comfort to me at times. Not beneficial usually, but comforting to not have to deal with 'me'.

With that being said, I feel like I have some things that I need to get off my proverbial chest and I may do that in a private blog, sort through it and then delve deeper into some of the issues for you guys to weigh in on. A lot has happened in the last two years, I have made some good decisions, some not so good decisions and dealt with situations that in the past I would have handled differently, but am trying to make positive changes.

I am still 'choosing Joy', that is the core of me, that will most likely never change. Looking forward to getting some of this stuff out of my head!

Freaky Friday . . .

I know this is supposed to be 'Faithful Friday' . . .but this is mostly just to freak out a very special friend that has been a faithful reader of nothing for the last 7 months. . . .Here is to you LeAnn! I plan to be back in full force!!!

On a 'Faithful' note . . God has been answering prayers for me left and right, and it blows my mind how amazing His grace is! Looking forward to sharing . . .

XOXOXO

~sarea~

In keeping with theme . . .

Truthful Thursday . . . since technically it IS Thursday.

• Truthfully I have been staying up too late again.
• Truthfully I am at a good place right now.
• Truthfully I have some great friends that love and support me (and some that I want to hit with Menu's occasionally)
• Truthfully I have really opened up my mind to a lot of different things this year, some good, some bad, but I have also realized a lot about myself in the process.
• Truthfully I want to be in the middle of everything, but left alone. . .(yeah, I can't explain it either)
• Truthfully I wish I could give my kids a better Christmas this year, but at the same time I want them to realize what Christmas really is about, what better way than to have nothing else to do but talk about it?? lol
• Truthfully I don't deserve how great my family is to me. . . My mom and dad, my sister and her husband . . .They watch my kids, feed them and look out for me. I get teary eyed when I think about it.
• Truthfully it was a little weird sending out Christmas cards this year with a picture of just me and the kids. (I didn't send very many, just seemed not good timing I guess).
• Truthfully, blogging again is nice . . .I've missed it.

More later.

Okay . . .

Here it goes. . .

I am divorced. As of December 2nd, it was final. I moved out in May, and didn't rush into anything. I have peace about it, and stand by my decision.

I don't want to hear "I'm so sorry" . . .You don't know my situation.

I don't want to hear "Congratulations" . .because no matter how bad you think it was or wasn't, that is still 14 years of my life that is over.

I don't want to go out and celebrate it, because I don't feel like it is something that should be celebrated.

I don't want to have to explain it to everyone 800 different times, and re-live it over and over again. . . I am divorced, that is it. It didn't work out between us (and even though that sounds trite, you will not find me trash talking the father of my children).

I look forward to blogging again on a regular basis, I have missed it and I think it might have missed me a little too!

Since today would have typically (and since it is only 11:30 pm, it is still technically) a Manic Monday, I will proceed in that fashion!!

Well, I am still homeschooling the kids in the mornings and working part time Mon-Thurs from 2-6:30 at the local chiropractic office. My sister watches the kids on Monday's, my mom watches them Tuesday's and Wednesday's and my mother in law (can't bring myself to call her my ex mother in law, she means too much to me to do that) watches them on Thursdays. They are all very supportive of me working part time and have been so helpful and loving to me and my kids! I enjoy my job, but it has been crazy because I have been working full time for the last three weeks. The only other woman that worked there with me quit quite suddenly and left us high and dry . . .My boss is amazing though and we made it through. We have hired another lady and she seems to be doing fine so far. I have realized though that I am not a good teacher, I want people to get it as fast as I do, and understand it as quickly.

I just taught a CPR class to the local canoe club and that was fun! A great group of people and I am excited about maybe joining them on some of their adventures! I am going to post some random pictures of the last few months to catch you up to speed. . . Enjoy!

The kids and I on Halloween, dressed as football/baseball players!

Ethan just being . .well . . . Ethan! (I can't believe that he is going to be 7 next month!)

Garrett loved rock climbing, but I think he enjoyed rappelling much more!

Madison had a great time at Lincoln Lake with the homeschool group learning to rappel, rock climb and even got in a little bit of kayaking!!

So . . .

It's been awhile since I have written . . .I think I am ready to explain why. . . (but I reserve the right to change my mind at any time I so choose.)

Oh, wait . . First of all, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! I have much to be thankful for:

• 3 beautiful children (that I currently want to beat)
• an amazing, supportive and loving family
• friends (both old and new) that listen to me, love me and make me laugh
• Sonic ice (if you haven't tried it, don't knock it)
• My Lord that loves me unconditionally (I might feel a need to say this one twice)
• my Arbonne consultant (I love their product!)
• not having cable (although I miss Football, UFC and The Discovery Channel)
• my super nintendo (I love OLD SCHOOL video games)
• my air popper (for the best popcorn EVER!)
• since I said that . . Butter and Salt too!
• wood heat (I am loving my wood stove)
• my job and a great boss
• music (it fits every mood I am in!)
• and I was right . . My Lord . . .I so need to cling to Him more!

So anyway . . .I am going to wait on my reasons for not blogging as to not take away from being Thankful right now in this moment!

HUGS TO ALL!